Aesop concentrate

It's high time that I fill the trough and plump the pigs.

No offense intended. See, that's the problem with a provincialism: it flows like water through discourse at the commune cafe, but blurs into abstraction when you begin to traverse borders and barriers. There were intellectual implications in my mentioning ravenous swine, but I'm afraid our frames didn't cross-reference. Perhaps something was lost in translation, but its unlikely as I made it up while thinking in English. 

Throw a bulbous bovine into a herd of bone-thin cattle and that jelly-belly becomes a blessing.

Bone protrusion that would make Kate Moss proud. Neil Rickers / Flickr Creative Commons

That allegory was meant to explain how people with peccary proportions can inspire both ridicule and envy depending on food security among the natives, but a parable has no purpose when coupled with a literal explanation. I was hoping to use my knack for alliteration and assonance to convey the convenience of an animal aphorism, but I stumbled at the start, suffered some set backs and presently find myself snarled in a string of similar sounds.

An ostrich in a chicken coop doesn't splay with time.

True, yet an ostrich can learn to empathize with its flat-mates if it cares to contort its neck and level with them. Indeed, my folly thus far is failing to call on the ruling roosters in the Cambodian People's Party to clear up the confusion I have caused. Damn, they didn't answer.

Cocks like to talk but rarely answer their phone when reporters are on the line.

Fortunately, there are scores of examples of animal allegories from Hun Sen speeches and statements past.  I'll warm you up with a quote in today's paper from Uk Keo Rattanak, who spoke for the Banteay Meanchey provincial hall when not answering questions related to an ongoing investigation into drug use at the provincial prison. 

"It is the [Anti-Corruption Unit's] secret work - they don't let us know if they find [drug trafficking]. It seems like they are trying not to hit the grass and frighten the snake because they have to do research to find those who are bringing drugs into the prison."

Apart from being useless, these comments raise an interesting question. Are cracked out reptiles startled by comments in the newspaper that completely undermine ongoing criminal investigations? We won't find out.

You wouldn't know it from that anecdote, but Uk Keo Rattanak is quite the detective himself. When leaflets were scattered about his province blaming Hun Sen for the deaths and carnage in the wake of the Koh Pich bridge stampede, he didn't wait to expose any secret units before beginning his investigation. 

"According to the information we received from the motor taxi driver, the person who distributed the leaflets dressed as a Buddhist monk, but we don’t know if he is a real monk or not."  

A man as clever as he is comprehensive. Within 24 hours of the subversive scattering, Cambodia's Columbo tracked down an utterly unreliable source and narrowed the potential pool of suspects down to some 60,000 monks and countless robed impostors.

The Blue-footed Booby may not know his feet are blue, but he knows they aren't his vas deferins.

Don't touch that dial folks, because while you scroll down to the next paragraph - past Jackie Chan with a giant condom - I'm gonna queue up back-to-back hits from the Prime Minister of Metaphors, and the democratically-elected leader of Cambodia, His Excellency Hun Sen. 

Welcome back slags. This first track was recorded by the Premiere on January 20 in the wake of uprisings in Tunisia and produced in surround pigeon sound by the Xinhua News Agency.

Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen said Thursday he will not allow his country to follow any situation as happened in Tunisia.
Delivering speech at inauguration of a hospital in Kompong Cham province, Hun Sen said his country will not follow the same trace of Tunisia.
"I will close the door and hit the dog inside," Hun Sen said.

If you are one of our many listeners who go nutty for evasion and misdirection, this next one will bring you back to that special stretch in May, 2010 when Hun Sen tangled with Global Witness and released this colloquial gem in response to allegations of natural resource mismanagement and exploitation.

I'm gonna kick it to former Phnom Penh Post reporter Sebastian Strangio to wrap things up. I'll be back in the coop soon so stay fertile my friends.

PRIME Minister Hun Sen lashed out at critics of the government’s handling of extractive-resource revenues on Wednesday, branding them “thieves” and saying that tensions between Cambodia and international watchdog Global Witness stem from a “sexual scandal” involving the group’s staff. 
   Speaking at the opening of a two-day mining conference in the capital Wednesday, Hun Sen said criticisms from international organizations and foreign countries were misplaced because the government has not yet pocketed any funds from extractive industries.


[Here it comes]

“I don’t understand when they order the fish to be fried or grilled while the fish is still in the water,” he told an audience of business executives, diplomats and civil society representatives. “They have accused us of corruption in spending while we have not yet made any money.”